The Cure for Control Issues (That Doesn’t Involve “Trusting the Universe”)

Earlier this week, I stumbled on an Instagram Reel of an old Alan Watts lecture—the kind of thing that usually gets a passive scroll from me. But this one hit different. He was talking about the Law of Detachment, and honestly… it cracked something open.

Without oversharing (okay, maybe just a little)—I’ve been going through a personal situation that’s had me gripping outcomes like a life raft. And hearing him say, “The more you try to hold on, the more it slips through your fingers” stopped me in my tracks.

It made me wonder:
We talk a lot about manifesting. Setting intentions. Calling it in.
But what if the thing blocking us… is the fact that we won’t let go? We attach ourselves to an outcome, and in return it pushes it further out of reach.

If you’ve ever felt like you’re manifesting on a loop, but stuck in the same place—this one's for you. Let’s talk detachment (minus the fluff).

In plain English: You can want something deeply without clinging to it like it’s your last hope for happiness.

The Law of Detachment says:

Set the intention. Do the work. Then… chill. Let go of the outcome, the timeline, and that mental chokehold labeled “how it should happen.”

Detachment is not apathy. It’s confidence in motion. It’s saying, “I know what I want. And I’m cool not forcing it.”

Here’s your grounded, non-woo crash course:

1. Want it? Own it. Just don’t need it.
Wanting a new job, a PR, or a partner? Cool.
Needing it to validate your worth? Not cute.

2. Drop the death grip.
You’re not an emotional escape room designer—stop trying to control every possible outcome.

3. Trade “This has to work” for “Let’s see what happens.”
You’ll be shocked how much lighter ambition feels when you’re not micromanaging the future.

4. Check your pace.
Obsessing is just ambition dressed in panic. Shift back into trust.

Detachment is not “let go and do nothing.” It’s “keep going—but without spiraling every time things don’t go exactly to plan.”

Let’s say you’re training for a race, pitching your business, or wanting a raise. Keep showing up. Just don’t base your self-worth on what happens next.

👉 Obsessing = resistance.

👉 Movement = momentum.

Stay moving. Stay open. Stay unbothered (ish).

Here’s a reframe I’ve been clinging to less lately:

“If this doesn’t work out, maybe it wasn’t for me.” Scratch that. Too passive.

Instead:

“Maybe this… maybe something better.”

It’s not denial. It’s swagger. It says: I trust myself and the detours. Let’s go.

We’ve been sold the myth of 30-under-30, 6-figures-by-26, engaged-by-spring. And for what?

Rushing rarely creates better outcomes. It just breeds shame when life (aka reality) takes a left turn.

Here’s a visual that helps:

Picture your timeline as a GPS reroute, not a failure. You missed one turn. The destination didn’t change.

Your worth is not on a schedule.

We don’t need a whole retreat. We need tiny shifts that work in real life.

Try these:

JOURNAL PROMPT:

“What’s something I’m gripping too tightly? What would happen if I loosened my hold just 10%?”

HABIT SWAP:

Obsessive late-night scrolling → a 5-minute body scan before bed Let your nervous system log off before your phone does.

MINDFUL MOMENT:

When a plan changes, say out loud: “Maybe this, maybe something better.” Then go drink water. Seriously.

A quick practice for the week:

Instead of: refreshing email 47 times
Try: setting a 20-minute “obsession timer,” then putting the outcome on pause.

Instead of: asking “Why hasn’t it happened yet?”
Try: asking “What’s still mine to do today?”

Instead of: rerunning scenarios in your head like a crime show
Try: stretching your hips and listening to a 3-minute breath track.

Hit reply and tell me what rest actually looked like for you. You can also tag @wellnessbum or @valeriealvarez on Threads. We’ll feature your responses in next week’s “Rewind Crew Writes In.”

What We’re Bookmarking:

Until next Sunday—loosen your grip, take the break, and watch how life starts to meet you halfway.

Valerie
@valeriealvarez

P.S. Was this issue a vibe? Forward it to someone who could use this.

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