I've been thinking about something all summer. Most of the people I know who actually felt good in August weren't the ones tracking their steps or optimizing their sleep or stacking their supplements. They were the ones who spent time with people they actually liked.

I'm talking about dinners that ran long. Mornings on a terrace with friends. Afternoons that had no agenda except being present with someone. The conversations that happened because you had time and space for them. That's where the actual shift happened.

So this week in the newsletter I want to talk about something the wellness industry keeps selling wrong: relationships aren't a bonus to health. They're the foundation.

_{MONTHLY RECAP}

There is research on this. Real research. Not the wellness-marketing kind, but the kind that shows up in peer-reviewed studies and institutional health data. And it says something that nobody's selling: the people you spend time with matter more than almost anything else.

A Harvard study tracking over 700 adults for 80+ years found that close relationships are what keep people happy and healthy. Not money, not status, not optimization protocols. Relationships. The quality of the relationships matters more than the quantity of years lived.

Loneliness is now classified as a health risk equivalent to smoking 15 cigarettes a day and exceeds the health impact of obesity and physical inactivity. That's not metaphorical. That's measurable. That's real.

Yet the wellness industry sells you the opposite. It sells you isolation coded as self-optimization. Early mornings alone. Personal brands. Individual metrics. Productivity systems that assume you're a unit of one.

If you spent time with people you care about, your nervous system was regulated by that presence. If you had conversations that went long, your mental health got a boost that no app can replicate. If you felt connected—actually connected, not performatively connected on social media—your body knew the difference.

The relationships that mattered most probably weren't optimized. They were messy, unstructured, unproductive. A friend group dinner with no agenda. A text conversation with your mom that lasted weeks. Time with your partner where you just existed together. Family members you actually enjoyed being around.

These moments didn't show up in your health metrics. But they showed up everywhere else.

Relationships don't require a subscription. They don't need an algorithm. You can't A/B test them or track them or optimize them into better versions. They require presence, which means you're not available for the next thing.

So the industry sells you everything except what actually works: time with people who matter.

Most of you reading this had a better summer than you think. If you spent time with people—real time, not scrolling alongside someone—you got a wellness intervention. If you had conversations, if you felt less alone, if someone showed up for you or you showed up for them, that's health.

You don't need to optimize it. You don't need to turn it into content. You don't need to make it productive. The fact that you did it is the point.

The people you chose to spend time with this summer? That's your actual wellness practice. That's what's going to matter when you look back on August.

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Research cited:

_{OUR PARTNER}

The best relationships happen when you have space for them. A terrace where friends linger. A kitchen where you actually cook together. A home that invites presence instead of rushing you through.

Kindred is a curated home exchange network built for the people who prioritize space and connection. List your home, earn credits, and stay in real homes chosen by people who actually live there. No nightly fees. Real kitchens, real neighborhoods, real space to be with the people who matter.

Sign up through my link or use code val.alv2 and you will get 5 credits to use toward your first booking.

^{CURRENTLY LOVING}

Five things for the week, that cost nothing. No subscription needed.

🤝 Notice who you actually want to spend time with. Not who you think you should. Who actually lights you up. Spend more time there.

📞 Text someone you've been meaning to reach out to. A real message, not a like. Connection counts.

🍽️ Have one meal with someone with no phones. That's it. Just presence.

📝 Write down the summer moments that actually mattered. They won't be the optimized ones. They'll be the messy, unstructured, present ones.

💚 Stop measuring your health by metrics alone. Your relationships are health data too. Your connection is intervention. Count it.

_{WEEKLY THOUGHT}

The wellness industry will keep selling you optimization. Personal brands. Health stacks. Metrics that prove your worth.

Here's what I actually believe: the people you spent time with this summer are your actual wellness win. Not because it's romantic. Because it's true. Because your nervous system knows the difference between presence and performance.

August is closing. You made it this far. And if you spent it with people you care about? That's not a side benefit. That's the whole point.

See you Wednesday!

Valerie