The Softest Reintroduction to Your Standards

This week’s Wellness Rewind is all about inconsistency, the kind that shows up in communication, effort, energy, and expectations. Not just in dating, but in friendships, work dynamics, collaborations, and daily habits.

Inconsistency drains you because it forces you to overthink, guess, and adjust yourself in ways that chip at your confidence. This newsletter is a grounding reminder that steadiness is not boring; it’s regulation. And you deserve environments, people, and systems that feel stable, not chaotic.

Today we’re talking about how to recognize inconsistency early, how it affects your self-worth, and how to reset your standards without turning it into a dramatic life overhaul.

This past month, I’ve been paying a lot more attention to inconsistency, in communication, in effort, in how people show up, and even in how certain situations make me feel. It’s wild how much mental space inconsistency takes up without you realizing it. One day something feels solid, the next it feels vague. One week it feels clear, the next you’re guessing. And because our brains love patterns, the guessing is what drains you.

I kept brushing things off as “it’s just a busy week” or “maybe I’m overthinking,” but the truth was simple: I was getting pulled into dynamics where I couldn’t fully relax. I was constantly adjusting, interpreting, making excuses, and trying to convince myself the inconsistency wasn’t affecting me. It was. It always does.

There’s a very specific kind of burnout that comes from dealing with mixed signals, whether it's a colleague who communicates in waves, a friend who is hot-and-cold, or an almost-relationship that requires detective work. You spend so much time trying to understand it that you don’t realize how much of your own stability you're sacrificing.

Steadiness isn’t boring; it’s regulating. And the older I get, the more quickly my body reacts when something is off. That nervous system “tightness” isn’t anxiety, it’s information.

My reset wasn’t dramatic. I didn’t send a speech or announce a boundary. I simply stepped back and stopped trying to decode situations that were never meant to be complicated. When something is right, you feel grounded. When something is wrong, you feel confused. It’s that simple.

Sometimes the healthiest thing you can do is step away from anything that requires constant emotional troubleshooting. It’s not avoidance. It’s self-respect.

This week, I realized how often I excuse tiny moments of inconsistency from myself too, not just others. Skipping a few runs because it’s too cold out “just this once,” staying up later than I know feels good, letting small habits slide because I’m distracted. None of these things are dramatic, but they add up.

So I made a point to rebuild small consistencies:

It wasn’t perfection. It was recalibration. And honestly, that tiny bit of stability shifted my whole week.

This reminded me that inconsistency, whether coming from someone else or from myself, creates the same feeling: dysregulation. And solving it doesn’t require a big lifestyle change. It just requires noticing it early and choosing steadiness where you can control it.

If something consistently leaves you confused, unsettled, or overthinking, your next move is already clear. Inconsistency is not a puzzle to solve, it’s a cue to step back.

Clarity isn’t something you chase. Clarity is something that shows up when the situation is aligned.

And here’s the real truth, when someone or something is right for you, you won’t need to negotiate your standards to make it fit.

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☕ Routine Upgrade: Use the “one elevated switch” rule: upgrade one tiny detail of your morning beverage ritual. Examples: a nicer glass, a metal spoon instead of plastic, a cinnamon sprinkle, a mug that feels weighted, or a reusable straw you love. It’s the psychology of “small luxury,” and it rewires the brain to associate mornings with calm and intention.

🕯️ The Overthinking Meter: Anything that requires a group chat analysis is already too complicated.

🪞 The Energy Check: Ask yourself: How do I feel immediately after interacting with this person or situation? If the consistent answer is “uncertain,” that’s your data.

📚 Read: The Let Them Theory: A Life-Changing Tool That Millions of People Can’t Stop Talking About by Mel Robbins & Sawyer Robbins
A practical, grounding guide on letting people show you who they are, stepping out of insecurity-driven behaviors, and protecting your peace. Perfect for recalibrating your standards.

🎧 Listen: The Diary of a CEO — “Tim Ferriss: 4 Science-Backed Tools That Rewired Decades of Childhood Trauma and Depression.”
An unbelievable breakdown on nervous system regulation, emotional patterns, and how small daily choices create massive psychological shifts. So aligned with the theme of noticing patterns early.

🤝 Journal prompt: “What uncertainty am I tolerating that I wouldn’t let a friend tolerate?”

This week, someone sent me a vague yet rude DM that normally would’ve pulled me into an overthink spiral. I caught myself starting to decode it, then stopped mid-thought. Instead of matching their energy, I matched my standards. Blocked and then moved on with my day. No spiraling. No emotional gymnastics. No analysis. It felt like the simplest thing… but also like the biggest shift.

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This week, choose steadiness wherever you can find it — and watch how quickly everything softens.

Until Wednesday!

Valerie

P.S. Was this issue a vibe? Forward it to someone who could use this.