This Decade Changed Everything—Here’s What I Learned

For context, 29-year-old me was navigating a version of life that looked great on paper but didn’t quite fit. I was figuring out what I wanted, what I needed, and what I was allowed to want for myself. 29-year-old me was lost. Little did I know the next decade would include:

Here’s what I’d tell 29-year-old me if I could:

1️⃣ You’re going to start over. A lot.

And guess what? That’s a good thing. Reinvention is part of growth, and every time you think it’s “too late” to change directions, life will remind you—you’re just getting started. Each time you begin again, you’ll come back stronger, wiser, and closer to the life you’re meant to live.

2️⃣ Heartbreak won’t kill you.

At 31, I ended a marriage I once thought would last forever. It was terrifying, freeing, and, at times, gut-wrenching. But I learned that heartbreak isn’t an ending—it’s an opening. Divorce also isn’t a failure; sticking around in a broken, unhappy marriage is failure. The love you thought you lost will find its way back to you in new forms—through friendships, passion, and an unshakable love for yourself.

3️⃣ You don’t have to explain your choices.

Moving to Madrid? Leaving comfort behind? Pivoting your career? People will question you. People with judge you. People will discourage you. People will call you reckless.

But here’s the thing: you don’t need to justify your happiness. Your life, your rules. The people who truly matter will cheer you on, and those who don’t? They were never meant for your next chapter anyway.

4️⃣ Fear and excitement feel the same in your body.

That anxious feeling before a big move, a bold decision, or stepping into the unknown? It’s actually excitement in disguise. Lean into it. It’s the moments of uncomfort where growth happens. Your biggest breakthroughs will come from the moments when you push past the fear and step into something that electrifies your soul.

5️⃣ You can’t pour from an empty cup (yes, even you).

High achievers, I see you. You’re doing all the things, but listen—burnout isn’t a badge of honor. Rest, recharge, and protect your peace. Your ambition will take you far, but only if you make space to refill your energy along the way.

6️⃣ Not everyone is meant to grow with you.

Some friendships, relationships, and connections are only meant for a season. Outgrowing people doesn’t mean you’re better than them—it means you’re evolving. Letting go is hard, but holding on to what no longer serves you will only slow you down. Sometimes, breaking up with friends is even harder than a romantic breakup because there’s no script for it—no clear “it’s over” moment, just a slow realization that you’re no longer aligned. But forcing a friendship that no longer fits only drains you. Letting go with love is an act of self-respect.

7️⃣ Running isn’t just for fitness.

I never thought I’d call myself a runner. But somewhere between training for my first half marathon and dreaming of a full marathon, I realized: running isn’t just physical—it’s therapy. Movement heals and each outing is a mental clearing. Every kilometer is proof that you can do hard things, and the finish line is just the beginning.

8️⃣ The “perfect” time doesn’t exist.

Want to make a big move? Start the business? Change careers? Stop waiting for the “right” time. It won’t arrive with a neatly wrapped bow. Do it messy. Do it scared. Just do it. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Fear will convince you that you need more experience, more savings, more certainty, more clarity, more time—but what you really need is to trust yourself. Believe in your ability. Every big, beautiful transformation starts with one imperfect step. Your future self will thank you for choosing action over hesitation, because in the end, the only real mistake is never trying at all.

9️⃣ You’re going to be just fine.

Actually, better than fine. You’re going to thrive. You’re going to look back at every challenge, every late-night doubt, every moment of uncertainty and say: Damn, I did that. And when you do, you’ll realize—you were never as lost as you thought you were.

Every setback was a setup for something greater. Every heartbreak, every wrong turn, every moment you questioned yourself was quietly shaping you into the person you were always meant to be. The version of you standing here today is proof that you figured it out, even when you thought you wouldn’t. And that? That’s pretty damn incredible.

Here are a few reflective questions for this week to help conclude the month:

1️⃣ If you could write a letter to your younger self, what advice would you give them?

2️⃣ Is there a big change you’ve been avoiding because you’re waiting for the “right” time? What would happen if you took the leap now?

3️⃣ What was your ache and relief this month?

4️⃣ What’s one way you’ve surprised yourself this month—something you did, overcame, or became?

If you need more inspiration about creating a meaningful life, check out Choose You: Gentle Words To Help You Heal and Grow by trauma and self-work therapist Helen Marie. Choose You features journal prompts, intuitive questions, reflective exercises and therapy-inspired lists for you to nurture your thoughts. This book has everything you need to begin your journey of understanding yourself and your needs better.

If I could sum up this decade in one word, it would be: becoming.

Becoming a woman who knows her worth.
Becoming a woman who takes risks.
Becoming a woman who doesn’t settle—for relationships, for work, for life.
Becoming a woman who trusts herself.
Becoming a woman who can stand alone and still feel whole.
Becoming a woman who chooses herself—again and again and again.

So, here’s to 39.
Here’s to the lessons, the love, and the growth.
And here’s to whatever comes next.

Because if I’ve learned anything, it’s this: the best chapters aren’t behind me—they’re the ones I haven’t written yet.

With love,
Valerie

P.S. If this hit home for you, share this with a friend who might need it too.

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